My Friend, My Foe.

Back through another year,
Following the lines thread across the days.
Messed up view from way back there, start to unravel
To lay bare,
This tragic loss.
Another year, another list, another time that felt amiss.
Time to stand up, to wake up, to fall back.
Smile at the innocence, the grand sweeping plans.
Laugh at days to come,
Laugh at yourself,
Laugh.
You taught me to fight, to see.
To soak up what little I have of you and me,
To not be late, to not rush, to not forget you.
Oh days of playful insight,
Heartache and sadness numbed.
Seek rest my friend, don't rush my friend,
Count on, tick tock, tick tock.
The end of an era,
The class not begun,
All of eternity to look upon your careful lines drawn.
Ah time...
My friend, my foe, we meet again.
Shall we shake hands and agree to disagree?
Not in part, but in whole.
You teach me, you take your toll.
You label it, you place it, you end the year
And forward we go.

Call to Arms

It's the what if's and the if only's that break us down.

Did you know that anything that you put on your skin gets absorbed into the blood stream? Gross right? I think about this all the time at work. We have this sanitizer solution that we have to dip our hands into to dig out a cloth and then proceed to disinfect counters and other surfaces with it. What is that stuff? What is that doing to my body?

When I was first married I worked this landscaping job, I'd spend hours on my own, weeding and mowing and spraying (awful chemicals, yuck!) anyway, I'd get so wrapped up in my thoughts that by the time I got home I was a wreck. And each day it felt like it got worse, if it was raining and my rain gear sucked I'd dwell on that, if it was hot and I felt sick to my stomach I'd dwell on that. Not to mention life issues, relationships, future, finances... It all beat down on me like a heavy hand choking me out.

One Day I decided I would conscientiously fight back these thoughts by being actively thankful for things. I began the day on my ride-on mower thanking the Lord for new socks. Yep that's where I started, then I kept adding to the list: baked bread, hot showers, dinner with good friends... Whatever I could possibly think of. This would work for a time, but eventually the steam would run out and I'd be back to the same old heaviness. Until I could fight these thoughts with scripture, till I matured in my faith it was so hard to dig myself out of it.

The battle to "be transformed by the renewing of my mind" is still one I fight till this day. Without scripture it is unattainable. The truth is, the more I'm starved for His word, the weaker I become. A big part of this picture is what goes on my skin and into my bloodstream. It's the world telling me my deepest fears of "what ifs" and "if only's". Slowly seeping in day in and day out. If more of that crap goes in than the hope of Christ revealed in scripture and the washing of the holy spirit by prayer, than I will surely lose this battle.

From my experience, it can not be done alone. I need support from Christian brothers and sisters who know me and know that I am in this fight. Which in turn means others are in this fight too, so I need to make an effort to help and encourage the ones around me too.

And what's at stake? Not our salvation, which is kept hidden in Christ, but our hope in Christ, the peace of Christ that can rule our hearts, the race that is waiting to be run and the sweetness of freedom in Him. Who knows what else is at stake? All things are possible through Him, so what is in the plan as I begin to shake these countless thoughts from my mind?

It's a call to arms...
To fight the good fight...
To be a slave to Christ, not to my dead-end daydreams.

No more what ifs and if only's
Because... As the King has valiantly proclaimed "it is finished!"

Hoping for rain

My very first pair of wellingtons. When I imagined turning 33 (if I ever did) I never thought I would be blown away at the sweetness and the thoughtfulness of getting a pair of gum boots for my birthday. But today when I opened the box and saw them... I cried. I've never cried over a gift before, never really thought of myself as a gift type person, but this was so different.

The last year has been a huge... HUGE "growing in the shadow of Christ" season in our lives. We have wept, fought, laughed, rejoiced and been humbled in countless ways. All for preparation, to strengthen us for Glory. I see now how we've tried to understand the Lord in many ways as a son tries to understand his Dad. The struggle is noble but often fruitless until He chooses to reveal Himself.

A couple of years ago we watched a movie with my brother and his wife... In it the character was told to "prepare for the rain," to prepare for the Lord to move in his life. By this he (while still in the midst of chaos) began to simply give glory to God in every aspect of his life. To thank Him for His provisions, to ask Him for strength and wisdom, to confess sin, and to soak up scripture. Without knowing the outcome of anything he faithfully pursued the Lord.

In the end, the rain is... simply... Jesus. That's the prize, that's the goal, the oasis, the resting, the restoration, the full understanding, it rests in Him. The rain we fight for, the rain we forget, the rain we know we desperately need but give up praying for... It's Him. Nothing... Nothing can replace the creator's perfection, nothing. Not another new thing, although we see his provision, not a restored relationship, although we see his healing hand, not triumph, although we see His victory. These are just glimmers of the one true King.

So when I looked at Kev and with tears in his eyes, he says (half joking, half heartfelt) "He said we're suppose to prepare for the rain" I felt in that moment I understood the Grace that awaits me and calling he has on my life... I truly felt loved.

I see this day as a gift. One more day for the pursuit of Christ. One more day to struggle for strength.

One more day.

The following quote is in regards to a verse in revelations, it hangs on our wall, for those of you who have been to our home you may have seen it...

"To him that overcometh, will I give" (Revelation 2:17).

A precious secret of Christian life is to have Jesus dwelling within the heart and conquering things that we never could overcome. It is the only secret of power in your life and mine, beloved. Men cannot understand it, nor will the world believe it; but it is true, that God will come to dwell within us, and be the power, and the purity, and the victory, and the joy of our life. It is no longer now, "What is the best that I can do?" but the question is, "What is the best that Christ can do?" It enables us to say, with Paul, in that beautiful passage in Philippians, "I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound, everywhere and in all things, I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me."

With this knowledge I go forth to meet my testings, and the secret stands me good. It keeps me pure and sweet, as I could never keep myself. Christ has met the adversary and defeated him for me. Thanks be unto God who giveth us the victory through Jesus Christ.


Rev. A. B. Simpson—Days of Heaven Upon Earth